Genital Jousting
Hooks you almost right away
What the data shows
- In the first 2 hours 1 in 10 reviews are negative (10%); after 3h it's 1 in 35 (3%).
- Fully opens up by hour 2.
- The opening is criticised less than in 90% of games we track.
- The game has no story achievements, so drop-off points can't be measured.
- Only 47% of owners have even the first achievement — the rest barely played.
When it gets good
Share of positive reviews by how many hours the reviewer had played when writing the review.
before it gets good opening up fully opened up
Based on all 11,412 Steam reviews in every language. Median playtime in a sample of 295 reviews: 1.5h for positive, 0.5h for negative. Almost every game is rated lower in the first 2–3 hours: that window includes refunds and quick first impressions. What matters is how deep the dip is and how fast the game recovers.
Where players quit
Share of players who started the game and reached each story milestone. 100% is the most common achievement (47.3% of owners), so people who bought the game and never launched it don't count.
This game has no story achievements, so we can't tell where players quit.
All achievements (28)
story milestone ending side
- Go Left Move to the left. 100%
- Go Right Move to the right. 100%
- Fire Inspector Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety. 70%
- Generous Lover Finish last in a Party Mode game. 68%
- Self Defence Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests. 35%
- A Better John Start taking responsibility for you actions. 24%
- Swan Tamer Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill. 23%
- Till Death Do Us Have sex in the Date Night graveyard. 20%
- Autopaedicatio Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode. 15%
- Always Finishes First Good at video games. Terrible at sex. 14%
- Clumsy Die a lot of times in your nightmares. 13%
- Most Improved Tapulator Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu. 11%
- Spare Wheel Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus. 10%
- Summer Job Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker. 9.5%
- The Perfect Partner Marry yourself in Abstinence. 8.7%
- Master Unlocker Collect enough milk to fill the tank. 8.0%
- Magnetic Basshole Win Lights Out in under five seconds. 8.0%
- Popcorn Buffet Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn. 7.4%
- My Precious Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings. 6.8%
- Safety First Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles. 6.6%
- Meet Your Maker Penetrate God. 6.6%
- Paperwork Submit your monthly physical report. 4.9%
- Early Bird Swallow every worm. 3.8%
- Sleep No More Don't let sleeping dongs lie. 3.6%
- Bulking Gear Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains. 3.4%
- Appalling Appetite You should see a doctor immediately. 2.7%
- Couch Party Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game. 2.7%
- Fussy Lover Save yourself for that special orgy. 2.5%